Release The Burden Of Regret

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”~C.S.Lewis

Living with regrets is a heavy burden to carry. Your past, however, does not have to define your future because God is a God of redemption.

Your past does not need to define your future.

We’ve all made choices that we feel sorry, disappointed, distressed, or remorseful about. In other words, we all have regrets. For some they are little things that they are able to move on from. For others, however, they simply cannot shake off the regret they feel. “If only” thoughts haunt them, and the regret they feel becomes a heavy burden they simply cannot escape.

I have experienced the weight of living with regret. In 1999, after my dear mother passed away, I was not able to release the remorse I felt for how I had behaved the last time I would see her conscious. Of course, at the time I didn’t know that she would end up in ICU the next day, and pass away three days later. I had taken her to her oncologist appointment and was dropping her off at her home. Since I was running late to pick up my children from pre-school, I was feeling rushed. When I dropped my weak and sick mother off, I didn’t even get out of the car to help her in the house. I watched her slowly shuffle in her garage and slowly walk up the two steps into her home. This was the last time I was to ever see my mother awake again. The next time I saw my mother she was on a respirator, never to be alert again.

I have experienced the weight of living with regret.

After my beautiful mother passed away, it took me years to forgive myself for not having been more attentive to her that day I dropped her off. Feelings of shame and guilt ruled my thoughts. I felt like I had behaved selfishly and that I was a bad daughter.

I know I’m not alone. Most of us have done things in our lives that we feel badly about. Since we cannot go back into the past and change those poor decisions, we carry a burden of regret like a ton of weight. Feelings of remorse can be one of the hardest things to shake off. And quite honestly, without the grace of God I don’t know how one would.

You do not have to stay stuck in the shadows of your past mistakes; Jesus has already paved a pathway to freedom from regret.

Moving past regret is a process which involves shifting from a focus on your own failures to a focus on God’s sufficient grace. The following steps can help you navigate these feelings and find peace. I highly recommend getting a pen and paper to write down your thoughts. It would also be helpful to get a friend to sit and pray with you.

1. Identify the source of the regret

This may or may not be obvious to you. However, I think it’s important to be specific and define exactly what you feel guilty about. For example, instead of “I regret not getting out of my car and walking my mom into her house,” I would write; “I regret allowing stress to distract me from caring for my mother after her oncologist appointment,” or, “I feel remorseful that I didn’t love her better by making sure she was comfortably in her home before I left her.”

2. Confess and Repent through prayer

Once you have identified what actions or words you regret, spend some time in confession. Invite the Holy Spirit to lead you as you pray to God, asking Him to forgive you. 1 John 1:9 tells us that God is faithful to forgive and cleanse us of our wrongdoings. After you have asked the Lord to forgive you, receive His mercy and grace.

Forgiving yourself is the key that releases the burden of regret.

Self-forgiveness may be the most important step you take in releasing the burden of regret. It is critical that you forgive yourself. The truth is if you truly believe that God has forgiven you, then you have no right to hold on to your past mistakes anymore because God Almighty doesn’t. God says He forgets our sins as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). By faith, you must too. Stepping into God’s grace means accepting that God loves you just the way you are.

God’s grace is like a waterfall and we just have to step into it and allow Him to wash us clean.

3. Be mindful of the devil

In 1 Peter 5:8 we are warned, “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” When we are living with shame, guilt and remorse, we are an easy target for the enemy of our soul, Satan. He will jump on the opportunity to feed us lies about ourselves. As believers, we must be mindful and recognize the voice of the accuser and resist his lies. In my situation, Satan was trying to tell me that I was a bad daughter. This is a lie. My mother knew my heart and she understood my urgency to get to my young children. She would never want them to feel scared because I was late. She also knew how much I loved and cared for her.

4. Focus on the future

After your time of confession and forgiveness, stay strong and focused on God’s plans for your life. Like the Apostle Paul, “…but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead...” The Lord has good plans for your life. Don’t let the burden of regret prevent you from reaching your destiny. Refuse to let your past mistakes dictate your present or future. Make a decision to not let the past hold you back any longer. God’s only son, Jesus Christ, came to take all your sins upon Himself, so that you wouldn’t have to live oppressed. He died on the cross for your freedom. So if the Son has set you free then you are truly free (John 8:36).

“All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.” ~Winston Churchill

We’ve all heard the saying “we learn from our mistakes.” Ask yourself what lesson (s) have you learned from your regrets. For myself, I have learned that life is precious and that I must never take time with a loved one for granted. You never know when it may possibly be the last time you see an individual again. Ever since my mother’s passing, I try very hard to treat every moment with a loved one as if it were my last with them.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. The key is to not allow your past to define your future. May these four points help you on your journey of letting go of your past mistakes. Release the burden of regret to the One that is meant to carry it-Jesus Christ.

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.“~ Romans 8:1

Photo credit: Photo by ling hua , Photo by Daniele Levis Pelusi, Photo by Mario Scheibl all on Unsplash