Dating The Right Person

“I wish had known that the in-love experience is not an adequate foundation for marriage. Nobody told me this. I thought the whole thing was you fall in love with somebody, and it’s so wonderful, and it’s so euphoric, and it’s going to be that way forever. Nobody told me that two years after you fall in love, you’re going to come down off the euphoria. I know it now, because it has been studied.” ~ Gary Chapman

We were created for relationship. When God brought Adam into the world He said it was not good for man to be alone, (Genesis 2:18) and so He created Eve to be his wife.

Most of us have an innate desire to have a companion because it’s  how God made us.

Why is it so challenging, then, to connect with others? How come we date several people but find ourselves disillusioned and discouraged?

Entering into a dating relationship without much thought or planning is dangerous.

There tends to be a lot of pressure from society, friends and family to date. More than that, our own desire to share life with someone special can be very strong. Starting a dating relationship with insight and planning is a mature and wise step.

There’s nothing wrong with being involved with someone… if  it’s the right person and if the time is right.

What exactly does this mean though?

The Bible tells us in Genesis that Eve was “just right for Adam” (Genesis 2:18). How is one to know that they are with the “right” person and if it’s the “right” time?

The right person is going to be unique to each individual. One needs to know themselves first and what they want or need in a partner.

Here are some guidelines to help you figure out if you are pursuing a suitable person.

1. Make a list of your top ten things that matter to you in a partner,  in order of priority.

As a Christian, you will most likely be putting down “Being a Christian”  first on your list. However, since there are so many denominations within the Christian faith, you may want to reflect on how critical it is to you that your partner be from the same denomination as you are. Two people can believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and have very opposing interpretations of the Holy Bible.  It is important that you are honest and comfortable with how much you are willing to compromise in this area.

Also, under “being a Christian,” ask yourself how much do you value how open someone is with their faith. Some believers are very verbal and outspoken about their beliefs, while others are not. How much does this matter to you?

Are you an outgoing person? Then most likely you will match up best with someone that is outgoing as well.

Do you prefer a quiet life? Then make sure the person you are with is the same. Of course, opposites attract too, but usually the more in common two people are the higher their chances of being well matched.

The key to making this list is that the points you write down ought to be non-negotiables.

When you start dating someone do not compromise your list.

Too often people make excuses for the person they are with. They ignore the signs that clearly indicate the person isn’t right for them.

This is a big mistake.

2.  Ask and allow your close friends and family to give you feedback on your relationship.

This is so important to do. Your loved ones know you best. They also can be more objective than you may be able to be (Proverbs 15:22).

If they are God-honoring friends and family who love you, trust their opinion.

Don’t ignore what your friends and family have to say about what they see in your relationship.

I suggest that you try and have your family and friends meet the person you are thinking of pursuing sooner than later.

3. The timing of when you date someone is of huge importance.

This is a point that many don’t take the time to think about enough.

Are you really ready to get involved with someone? And what does being ready mean?

Where are you in life? Are you a student? Maybe you ought to be focused on classes and making friends right now. Maybe dating would get in the way of that at this point in your life.

Or perhaps you are in a brand new career and it is quite demanding. Maybe you need to make that a priority at this point of your life

Where is your faith? Is God first in your heart? Is He truly Lord of your life?

Quite honestly, I think having God on the throne of your heart is the most critical thing you can do for yourself before you even think of bringing someone else into your life.

If God is number one in your life, the natural outflow will be that you will seek Him on guiding you in all big decisions in your life, including who to date (Psalm 32:8).

Don’t ignore the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit-whether He is telling you to move forward, to slow down or to put a halt to a relationship.

If you are considering starting an intimate relationship, you owe it to yourself and to your partner  to plan ahead.  Dating should never be taken lightly. People’s hearts are involved.

God cares deeply about our hearts. (Proverbs 4:23)

Thinking and planning ahead before you choose a partner is a way to honor God.

What are your thoughts on dating?

“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” ~ 2 Timothy 2:22

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