Confessions Of A Weary Shopaholic

“Nothing teaches us about the preciousness of the Creator as much as when we learn the emptiness of everything else.” ~ Charles Spurgeon

Hi my name is Tweeny and I am a shopaholic. Yes, it’s true. I have had it under control for many years, but recently I noticed that I’ve been on a shopping spree, buying stuff. Why, you ask? Because I’m trying to fill a loneliness within me, an emptiness I’ve wrestled with since we moved to a new town.

Having just moved here less than 2 months ago, I’m trying to adapt to my new environment and well… it’s been hard for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my new house, neighborhood etc. It’s just that it’s another change. I’ve had a lot of changes in the last few years and I’m a little weary. You would think each transition would get easier, but I’m learning that’s not true.

Although I have a strong desire to feel like I belong, I wonder if I will ever feel settled this side of heaven.

Perhaps we are born with a hollowness in our soul. Or maybe we’re not born that way, but life events scar us, and we end up feeling unloved, allowing fear, anxiety, and loneliness to invade us. In an attempt to cure the pain within, we find “pain-fixers.”

Before I had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I lived my life filling the void I felt within through alcohol, men and shopping. I wasn’t even aware of the emptiness I had inside.

I was trying to find happiness, but instead kept finding more loneliness.

As a baby Christian I quickly learned that the battle between our flesh and the Spirit of God is what is called “spiritual warfare” and is very real. Galatians 5:17 says it perfectly: “The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.”

What this means is we will always have an internal struggle to resist our sinful desires. In other words, we will always have to fight off our temptations.

But the Apostle Paul goes on to say in Galatians 5 that the battle is not lost there, but rather, those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. (Galatians 5:24-25)

As my walk with Jesus grew, I began to notice a direct correlation with how my day went when I spent quality time with Him in the morning (a peaceful day), and when I didn’t (a day full of angst).  I have found this is how I best equip myself to “live in the Spirit” each day-surrendering to Christ each morning through prayer and scripture.

Step one in overcoming feelings of emptiness is admitting that you have a struggle. I find it so healing when I openly confess to another sister (or to the world!). Once we share our burdens with another human being it becomes easier to fight through them. This may be the hardest part, but it is the most critical thing we can do as it helps to get past trying to fill up the empty places inside of us with outside things.

Confession is powerful!

Stepping into the chasm of your emptiness comes through a personal and intimate relationship with your Creator.

The cure to a lonely and weary heart is Jesus Christ. Only God can give our life purpose and meaning. We can cry out to God as Psalm 90:14 says, “Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.  Asking your Heavenly Father to help you feel satisfied with His love for you is a God honoring prayer. Once we can fill up the blank places in our heart with Christ, we can find His peace and joy. I believe this is what the abundant life is. 

When I reflect back on my recent shopping spree, I must add to my confession that I had not been spending quality time with my Savior. I needed Him to save me from myself, again. Once I did cry out for His help, He did. I’m grateful to be back on track now of living not only within our budget, but in the satisfaction of Jesus’s love for me.

Why not take a step of faith this day and share your burdens with another brother or sister, and with God. Ask Him, through prayer, for His help in your area of struggle. May you learn to live a life that finds contentment and fulfillment in your Creator. Take it from me, it’s the best place to be.

Until now you have not asked [the Father] for anything in My name; but now ask and keep on asking and you will receive, so that your joy may be full and complete.” ~John 16:24 (AMP)

Comments

  1. Beautiful! I just woke up from a dream that you were in. Then I see your blog post. May He fill us with Himself alone! The greatest gift!

  2. Deborah Gaddie says:

    Great one Tweeny. I’ve been renewing my mind with scripture as I work on the stronghold of control over food. God has been gracious to me as I trust Him for help in following boundaries.
    “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
    ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

  3. Sherry Dunning says:

    Beautifully written straight from your heart as always dear one. Keep writing and keep growing in His love and peace!

    Love Sherry

  4. Thank you Tweeny. Your courageous honesty is inspiring! Loneliness drove me to many regrettable things too. Since believing in Jesus, I do not feel lonely anymore but I often have this feeling like I’m not at home. Weird until I read your blog and your words “Although I have a strong desire to feel like I belong, I wonder if I will ever feel settled this side of heaven.” really helped. Amazing blog!
    Love you sister.

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