Broken, Beautiful And Bold

  “Broken is what people are. Beautiful is what God makes them.” ~ Lysa Terkeurst

Most of my life I have felt “broken.” What this means is that I faced circumstances that were beyond my control, and I knew I could not handle them in my own strength. In those times, I have been acutely aware of my need for a deliverer.

Just by the mere fact that we are human beings makes us broken people.

We are born with a sinful nature, which we have to learn to manage and control. Hence why we need the aide of a “power greater than ourself,” a savior.

My own story of brokenness came to a peak between the years 1999-2002. In 1999 I lost my precious mother to a bone marrow cancer (Multiple Myeloma). A few years later, in 2002, my marriage fell apart and my husband and I were separated. My mother and my husband had always been my two “gods.” What I mean by this is that I placed most of my joy and fulfillment in these two relationships.

When my husband moved out, I completely fell apart. I didn’t know how to handle my pain (I did not know the Lord Jesus Christ yet). In an attempt to numb my sorrow, I began to drink heavily, smoke and I stopped eating. I was diagnosed as malnutrition and had to, literally, be spoon fed by dear friends. I was completely at the end of my rope and knew if I didn’t get help I would die, literally. I was utterly and completely broken.

In the midst of my overwhelming agony, I cried out to an unknown God, “God help me!”

By His grace and mercy, He responded. My story of salvation is a beautiful one, however, I can’t get into it in this post. I want to point out that I came to know Jesus as my Lord and Savior through my brokenness.

During this season of turmoil, confusion, and sorrow, God taught me that I was created for His glory, and that He had a very real plan for my life. He reminds me of this truth quite often.

You see, brokenness is actually a pathway to your holiness, your very destiny-the beautiful love story that God has written specifically for you.  And as long as you are breathing, God’s not done with you.

So here’s what I’ve learned through my brokenness and want to share with you. Hopefully my lessons will help you in your learning curve, so that you can experience the peace of God in the midst of your suffering.

God taught me that my brokenness was for His glory and my good.

In order to better understand this, there are 3 points you can reflect on. 

  1. Where is your relationship with Jesus Christ?

Deep down inside, we all know that there is a God. Even the world refers to Him as a “power greater than ourself.”

This “power” is Jesus Christ, who is the one and only God. Without an intimate relationship with Him, the  purpose for your existence will not make sense. Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Have you committed your life to Him?

When I opened my heart and invited Christ in, it was as if veils of confusion and deception came off of my entire being. For the first time in my life I realized that I wasn’t born haphazardly, but rather, that there was a very real purpose for me. 

Inviting Jesus into my heart felt like finding the last piece of the puzzle to my soul.

If  you do have a personal relationship with Jesus, how intimate is it? Does He have full control over your life? Are you completely surrendered to Him? Are you growing in your walk with Him?

These are tough questions that need to be deeply thought about.

More importantly, have you grasped how much God loves you? This was the key to my healing. When I could see myself out of God’s perspective, everything changed for me. I understood how deeply He loved me. This realization completely transformed me.

Do you believe God loves you and has a good plan for your life?

One more question before we move on to point 2 -are you angry at God? Do you blame Him for your suffering?

Romans 8:28 tells us,  “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. This means God uses your trials and brings good out of them. You can trust Him to do so. If, though, you have some resentment toward God, be real with Him and tell Him. It will be very healing for you. 

2.  Spiritual warfare is real

I don’t like to give the devil a lot of attention, but sometimes as Christians we don’t give him enough. Spiritual warfare is real and one of the ways the enemy comes to steal our destiny from us is through acceptance, apathy, shame and/or feelings of hopelessness.

Be aware of your thoughts and intentionally process them through the filter of the Holy Spirit. In the heart of my separation from my husband, I had a lot of negative self talk chattering in my head. I blamed myself for the demise of our marriage and I couldn’t seem to get unstuck. I had to train myself to grab every thought captive and bring it to the obedience of Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 10:5). This shifted my thought process from self-defeating to victorious. God helped me see that it wasn’t all my fault and that love meant being committed. 

Nothing worth having comes easy or without opposition.

Whether we like it or not, we have to be equipped for spiritual battle! Put on your “God goggles” to recognize who the real enemy is in your life. 

3. Do you really want to be healed?

In John 5:1-9 there is a story about a pool called the pool of Bethesda. This wasn’t just some ordinary pool, but one where sick people, (blind, lame or paralyzed), could find healing by bathing in the bubbles of the pool. The story is actually about a man who had been sick for 38 years. Thirty-eight years is a long time! How come this man wasn’t going in to bathe in the pool for healing?

That’s what Jesus wants to know too. So Jesus approaches this man and asks him a simple but powerful question: Would you like to get well?

The sick man answers Jesus and says, “I can’t sir. For I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up.” Guess what? This man was making excuses.

We make excuses too. We fall into self pity, hopelessness, despair, apathy etc. Jesus, however, wants to say the same thing to you that He said to the sick man by the pool of Bethesda- “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!”

You must first have a desire to be healed.

Unfortunately, this usually doesn’t happen until we are at the end of our rope, in a desperate position-completely broken.

How about you, what excuse are you holding on to today? Jesus is near, asking you, “would you like to get well?”

God is aware of your brokenness.

God wants to make beauty from your ashes (Isaiah 61:3). You are never too crushed for Him, and as you surrender your life to Him, He will make it meaningful, beautiful. 

So, here’s one last question-are you willing to give Him your broken pieces, so He can help you to become beautiful and bold for Christ and His Kingdom? 

To all who mourn in Israel,
    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
    festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” ~ Isaiah 61:3

Photo credit: Nikki Randall Photgraphy

Comments

  1. Thank you for this. It has been a while since your last blog, but well worth the wait. I especially appreciate the challenging question, “Do I want to be healed”.

    Thank you for taking the time, and caring to share this wisdom.

  2. Tweeny, This is some powerful writing! I am moved to tears, your writing has touched my heart and have brought to light some very important questions. I struggle at times believing I am loveable to God and consequently struggle with knowing His plan for me. Thank you so much.

    • tweenyrandall says:

      Thank you so much Lolly. Your enthusiasm and words really bless me!Your struggle of believing that God really does love us and that He has a good plan for us,is a common challenge that many have. I believe its the enemy that gets us to doubt and question in this way. Keep seeking and asking the Lord to reveal His character to you. He will and you will be in even more AWE of Him. Love you sis! Thanks for your consistent support of my writings. 🙂

  3. Beautifully penned words of truth! It has been so exciting to watch your story unfold! Press on dear one! We run this race together! With all my love, hugs, and prayers, Sister!

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