“As the year wraps up and draws to a close, may you shake off any offenses that are still hanging on. May you instead wrap yourself up in the complete love and acceptance of Christ. May you forgive others and forgive yourself.” ~ Susie Larson
Recently, someone I love dearly, had an injustice done to her. What makes this more hurtful for her is that this is the second betrayal by the same person. She had already extended grace for the same offense years ago.
My friend is wounded and struggling to forgive her offender. This person happens to be someone in her own family. She admits that she feels stuck in her ability to forgive them.
It’s as if a brick wall of unforgiveness had constructed around my friend’s heart and soul.
Not long ago, I spent some time with this friend and she shared her heart with me. “I just don’t feel like forgiving again,” she confessed. My precious friend, however, seemed to have lost her peace and joy.
Unforgiveness steals, kills, and destroys.
I encouraged her to write out, in detail, all that she felt hurt by that person and how their actions had affected her personally. She hesitated, but reluctantly began to write. And boy did she write. She wrote and wrote…and wrote. After about an hour, she had four pages.
“Now what?” she meekly asked me. I could see that the pain of doing this task had emotionally drained her.
I then asked her to share everything she had written down. She took a deep breath, and began reading the specifics of her offense. It was very painful, but through her tears, she confessed the details of her heartache with me.
When forgiving someone who has hurt you, you have to first know exactly what you are forgiving, and then you must confess to a trusted friend the exact nature of the injustice.
These two steps help you accept and validate the reality of your pain. Forgiveness does not come from ignoring or stuffing your feelings. There is something powerful and healing that happens when you share honestly with another person. It’s as if you shine light on the darkness.
Since this is a new year, why not make a conscious decision to start living in freedom by throwing off the burden of unforgiveness.
Take out a notepad. Pray, and invite the Holy Spirit to guide your thoughts. Then and only then, start writing out the details of your offense.
Don’t hold anything back. Pour it all out.
This may sound like you are rehashing your pain, and in some ways you are. However, the difference is that your purpose is to get right with God and to find healing for yourself.
After you have done these two steps, you are ready to take the next action step.
Surrender your offense at the foot of the cross.
The word of God tells us we need to forgive to be forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15). It is always wise to begin the process of extending grace to another by getting your heart right with God first. Carve out time to be still with Him and allow Him to show you your own sins and shortcomings. By doing this your heart will be softer; we all sin and fall short of God’s standard (Romans 3:23).
I encourage you to make a mental altar in your mind. Ask God to help you forgive the person that has wronged you. Then take each and every offense you have written on your list, and lay it down, through prayer, at Jesus’s feet.
You cannot forgive someone that has hurt you in your own strength. You have to rely on God’s power.
You may think that by holding on to your unforgiveness you are somehow punishing your offender and/or protecting yourself from them. This, however, is a deception.
Unforgiveness keeps you trapped in a cycle of anger, bitterness and resentment.
It’s a prison you yourself create, in your heart. It prevents you from living the abundant life Jesus died for you to live. Know that forgiveness doesn’t always mean restoration (click here to read “Cutting the Noose of Unforgiveness).
I’ve also heard people say that it takes time to forgive someone that’s done you a wrong. Although it’s true that forgiveness is a process, the reality is the longer you take to forgive, the harder it becomes to extend grace to those who have hurt you.
And here’s the saddest thing about holding on to unforgiveness-it puts a subtle barrier between you and God (Matthew 6:15). This is Satan’s ultimate goal for you.
God’s desire is to see you free from such a bondage because, not only does He require it, but it’s also a prerequisite to His blessings for you (Luke 6:37-38).
May you be willing to take these steps towards extending grace to those who have hurt you. As it has for my friend, may you find the freedom, the joy, and the peace that comes from living righteously before the Lord.
In closing, if you are someone who needs to forgive yourself for perceived mistakes, know that you can do these same steps and give yourself grace. In addition, you may even need to forgive God, if you feel He has let you down in some way.
A very blessed New Year to you. May it be full of Christ’s grace, peace and joy.
Feel free to leave me any thoughts you have on the subject of unforgiveness.
“Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”
“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” ~ Matthew 18:21-22
Photo 1 & 2 credit: Nikki Randall Photography
Photo 3: Pinch Studios
Lolly says
Tweeny, this very well may be one of your best writings. Words cannot express how blessed I am to not only read your blog, but to learn from your Christ inspired writing. Your example of walking by faith, your love for your children, your courage to let God use you through your writing are all things that inspire me. God bless you!
tweenyrandall says
Sweet sister, you are too kind to me. But I appreciate your constant support of my writing. Words cannot express how much you bless me. I love you dearly. Thank you for your consistent love, prayers and support. 🙂
Jessica says
Thank you for sharing such great truths. When we choose to hold on to unforgiveness we also choose not to enjoy the abundant life that God is giving us. Sometimes the hurt is so deep we think we cannot forgive and it is true if we are using our own strength. Jesus who was sinless carried all our sins and was punished on our behalf will give us the strength. God will not let us down because He is our perfect Father and even if we think it is Him when it is men, He is big enough to take that and loves us just the same. If we choose not to forgive we have not really understood our own forgiveness from Him. Praying for your friend.
tweenyrandall says
Thank you for sharing your wisdom here sis. You are right on every point you make-God will never let us down but we must forgive others through His strength and power. It is always so freeing. Thank you for all your prayers my dear friend. SO grateful for your faithfulness to Christ and His people. Love you~