Throughout the years I have counseled many women who feel sad because they no longer have anything in common with their husbands. I am often asked the question, “how can I live in harmony with my husband when we don’t see life eye to eye?”
It is common for two married people to grow in different directions, and find themselves not having as much compatibility as they once did.
How can you find peace when your spouse and you aren’t on the same page anymore?
Can a marriage work if two people are not like minded, or is divorce the only answer?
I believe the answer to these questions is that it’s not easy, but it can be done.
The secret to making a marriage work when two people do not seem to have compatibility is found in Matthew 7:3-5. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend,‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.“
Too often we focus on trying to change our partner, when in fact, we ought to be working on changing ourselves.
Years ago when my marriage fell apart, I came across a book called “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian. The first two chapters (Preface and Chapter One) of this book changed my life.
In the first chapter the author speaks of the impact prayer has within marriages and the importance of surrendering your marriage to God through prayer. In the second chapter, titled “His Wife,” Stormie Omartian says that we need to come to the Lord with a pure heart and that God’s favorite three word prayer is “Change me, Lord.”
Change me Lord. These three words played a huge part in saving my marriage.
You can’f force someone else to change, but you can change yourself.
Sometimes just changing your own heart can change the entire marital atmosphere. (Tweet This)
One area you may need to change is to be more understanding of your spouse. Thinking of our spouses needs before our own is God honoring and brings a lot of peace within a relationship.
You may need to work on being more accepting of your partner, which will help you be less critical of them.
I am not talking about relationships that are abusive. Those relationships need extra care through professional help. I am talking more about relationships where a husband and wife know the Lord but are on different levels spiritually.
Be honest before the Lord and ask Him to shine light on what you can do differently to help your marriage. Make sure your heart is open and that you are still enough to hear His answer.
For me, when I began to seek the Lord on what I needed to change, it was as if He handed me a mirror and showed me all the things that I needed to do to be pure before Him. Pure before Him not before man. I realized that as a Christ follower I need to live my life for His glory (1 Corinthians 10:31), not for my own.
What this means is that I live in obedience to God’s Word and His Word tells me to love sacrificially. I need to love others, including my husband, as Jesus has loved me (John 13:35).
Like I said already, it’s not easy. It’s not easy to love like Christ loves us. It’s not easy to find peace in a marriage that seems incompatible. We certainly cannot do it in our own strength. That’s why it’s important to lean on the power of the Holy Spirit. Ask Him to show you to love your spouse, even though and despite your differences.
Commitment within a marriage ought not to be optional, but mandatory. Each day you have to intentionally choose to stay by your spouse, for better or for worse.
God is faithful. I know He will help you because with His power working in us, He can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
Living God’s way is always the best way. When you allow Him to rule in your heart and in your marriage, you will not only honor Him, but you will be blessed by a peace that surpasses human understanding – His peace.
Please leave me a comment below on what helps you to find peace within your marriage.
“With God’s power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine.” ~ Ephesians 3:20
Photo Credit: Dana Ann Photography